we're doomed :)

[sillKotscha]

In Honor of Stupid People :D

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through
stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.

On a Sears’s hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping.
(Damn, and that's the only time I have to do my hair).

On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary.
Details inside. (The shoplifter special)?

On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap."
(and that would be how???....)

On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost."
(but, it's "just" a suggestion).

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside
down."
(well...duh, a bit late, huh)!

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating."
(...and you thought????...)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body."
(but wouldn't this save me more time)?

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate
machinery after taking this medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we
could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(and...I'm taking this because???....)

On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only."
(as opposed to...where)?

On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use."
(Now, somebody out there, help me on this.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts."
(talk about a news flash)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat
nuts."
(Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)

On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
(I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)

On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."
(Oh my God .Was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

cheers Sill

P.S.: got this one today by email and thought you would laugh as I did :)

[filewalker]

:D :D :D

really a nice collection!


Cu filewalker

[sillKotscha]

Originally posted by sillKotscha
On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."
(Oh my God .Was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)


this is my favorite :D

[easybeat]

A friend of mine sent me an email about insurance claims, someone who purchased a winnebago crashed it after enabling the cruise control feature and going into the back to make himself a cup of coffee. He thought cruise control meant it drove itself!
Winnebago had to change their instruction manual because of this.

Don't know if this is true but it doesn't surprise me if it is.

[DK64_MASTER]

Those are priceless! I needed a good laugh!

[Neo Neko]

Those are rather old. But still funny every time I read them. http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&q=%22stupid+instructions%22&btnG=Google+Search
I found a much bigger list once. But damned if I no longer have the link.

OT: Rowan Binladen?

[Neo Neko]

Oh and if you like that sort of thing go here -> http://engrish.com/ Don't blame me if you loose a few days. It's kinda like reading slashdot.


_____________________________
More insanity
http://www.metalprovider.com/diabolical/stupid.html

[BoNz1]

My favourite slogan of all time is one that used to be the slogan of the electrolux vacuum cleaners it went like this: nothing sucks like an electrolux! Of course this was quite some time ago when the word sucks didn't have the same meaning as it does today but still it is my personal favourite.

[2COOL]

Here's some more...http://www.sebourn.com/stupid/stprod.html. You should also read the "stupid people" page too. :p

[r6d2]

Once read this on a banner at a carrer advisor site:
What's the difference between yor job and a vacuum cleaner?
You have to plug the vacuum cleaner before it sucks!Quite catchy IMHO.

[dwflo]

When I was a young boy, there used to be a company called Patmans Meats, like Hormel. Their trucks had the phrase "Nobody can beat our meat"

Then there was a Taco stand that had a large sign that read "For your next big blowout, try our Refried Beans"

How definitions change. No wonder there is so much confusion in Religion!!!:devil:

[sysKin]

Originally posted by sillKotscha
On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts."
(talk about a news flash)You know how many food products contain nuts? Let me tell you how it happened on Discworld. I'm pretty sure it's all similar in our universe too.
Lord Vetinari, the Patrician and supreme ruler of the city, took proper food labelling very seriously. Unfortunately, he sought the advice of the wizards of Unseen University on this one, and posed a question thusly: 'Can you, taking into account multi-dimensional phase space, meta-statistical anomaly and the laws of probability, guarantee that anything with absolute certainty contains no nuts at all?' After several days, they had to conclude that the answer is 'no'. Lord Vetinari refused to accept 'Probably does not contain nuts' because he considered it unhelpful.
:D

"The Science of Discworld II: The Globe" (c) 2002 by Terry Pratchett, Ian Steward & Jack Cohen. Page 12.

[Neo Neko]

Actually this reminded me of one. A friend of an aquaintance runs a tool and die company. The slogan on all the trucks reads "The best screw in town.". Though this is not by accident or changing definitions. It was done on purpose to get publicity. To this day you can still see them driving around the city from time to time. :P

[Nic]

@syskin: Because I think I've heard you quote Pratchett before, I'll tell you my favourite quote of his, it was in a PC magazine (after the making of the discworld game). When he was asked what he thought of computers being used for virtual sex he said; "they'll have to make floppy disk drives bigger first"....Remember reading that as a kid and wishing I could be that sharp.....

[SeeMoreDigital]

What a great thread. Loads a fun!

Cheers

[bilu]

I agree with http://engrish.com , I never laughed so much with a site on my entire life :P

Bilu

[sillKotscha]

Originally posted by Neo Neko
OT: Rowan Binladen?

yes :D

didn't thought that this post would gain so much interest... but hey
http://engrish.com is r_e_a_l_l_y funny !!!

[StrawMan]

Originally posted by easybeat
A friend of mine sent me an email about insurance claims, someone who purchased a winnebago crashed it after enabling the cruise control feature and going into the back to make himself a cup of coffee. He thought cruise control meant it drove itself!
Winnebago had to change their instruction manual because of this.

Don't know if this is true but it doesn't surprise me if it is.

Urban Legend alert!

www.snopes.com
www.truestellaawards.com

[easybeat]

Straw man - Urban legend - probably! But I work in a factory and believe you me some people genuinely are that clueless. For instance this actually happened to me and my colleague.

While preparing for a site visit by our customer we asked one of the lads to stencil in the name of the product on the floor in paint to identify its location, we asked him to do the following:-

LUGGAGE LH GREY - LUGGAGE RH GREY
LUGGAGE LH BEIGE - LUGGAGE LH BEIGE

Anyway we came back an hour later and found this:-

LUG - LUG
LUG - LUG

We were baffled, so we collared the lad and asked him what was a matter and why he hadn't finished. The conversation went like this:-

"Why have you not finished the floor you've had an hour?"

"It's these stencils there rubbish"

"What do you mean rubbish?"

"Well theres not enough letters on them?"

"What do you mean enough letters them? there's only 26 letters in the alphabet"

"Yes (in a adult to child tone) but theres only one G and I need three to do the word LUGGAGE"



Not quite urban legend material but it's in my top5 dumbest things I've been witness to!

[Neo Neko]

ROTFLMAO!!!!

[r6d2]

Originally posted by easybeat

LUG - LUG
LUG - LUG
[...]
"Yes (in a adult to child tone) but theres only one G and I need three to do the word LUGGAGE"How did he manage to draw the second L? :confused:

Long time ago, my young brother was helping me to photocopy some material at my father's office. We run out of paper. It was Sunday afternoon, there was no place to get some more at the time.

My brother said, "I've got it!". "Got what?", I asked. "The solution! Let's just photocopy a blank sheet and we'll get lots of paper to continue!"

He was just 8 at the time.

I replied... "OK, bro. But where will we get a blank sheet?". "Oh", he said, "I have to think about it a little more... Daddy should keep one of those somewhere in case of an emergency."

He was wearing a white T-shirt. I said, "Look, why don't you lay on the machine so we can copy your white T-shirt? Do you think that would do?"

"Gee, brother. You are so bright. I'd have never thought of that."

When he was about to get up, he hesitated for a moment and turned around... "You almost get me, you know?", and he smiled. Then he added, "we better use the back of one of the already copied sheets."

"Good idea. You saved my life," I said. We finished the job by reusing the back side of all sheets. He never got it right. I won't tell him until his 30th birthday.

[dani82]

i'd always thought humans were stupid, this is no exception.

if you haven't figure out why manufacturers include stuff like that on the label, it's so they won't get sued (by stupid people)

i don't drink, but do they put the words "don't drink and drive" anywhere on the cans?

[StrawMan]

Most of them now say "Drink Responsibly" on them somewhere.

[r6d2]

Originally posted by StrawMan
Most of them now say "Drink Responsibly" on them somewhere. They should say "Drive responsibly".

[easybeat]

r6d2 - I couldn't begin to presume the mind of an idiot when I barely know my own!

[r6d2]

Originally posted by easybeat
r6d2 - I couldn't begin to presume the mind of an idiot when I barely know my own! Oh, that's not easy, but I can tell you what worked for me:

Once I assumed I'm an idiot myself, everything I do is a reward to my self esteem. ;)

[easybeat]

Just remember -

"if you ain't got standards you'll never be disappointed"

[r6d2]

"Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others." :D

Groucho Marx.